As I looked at the week ahead and the dates printed on my wall calendar, I couldn’t help but realize that I would have been halfway through my pregnancy by now. 20 weeks. It dawned on me that its the middle of April and when I first got pregnant, I said to Brian, “You know, by the middle of April we will know if we will welcome a son or a daughter into the world!” You could say I had a moment there at my wall calendar this morning. No tears, but just a moment of reflection. I talk about my miscarriage quite often, especially since many people like to ask me questions such as, “Are you done having kids?” or “Are you going to try again for another?” I’m not shy about sharing my story. My miscarriage is apart of who I am now and its something I will most likely always talk about with women until well… forever. Through my conversations though, many people like to offer up their reasons why or they like to comment on miscarriage thinking that they are being helpful & saying the right thing; when in fact, what they are saying can be really hurtful. I’m writing this post so that people will know what NOT to say to someone going through a miscarriage.
Today is a new day. I can’t believe how much I FEEL like a different person. As sad as it is, the way I feel makes me realize that I was having such an unhealthy pregnancy. I feel like sickness was removed from my body and as odd as this sounds, it feels so good… Like I can breathe again. I had a horrible 4 days. Though my miscarriage is not completely done, Saturday and Sunday were the worst days and I got through it. Yes, it was painful and very emotional but nothing any woman couldn’t handle. I made the decision to miscarry this child naturally. I could have made the decision on Friday morning to have a procedure done but without my eyes seeing the reality, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I didn’t see any signs of something happening, no matter what the Dr.’s told me, I didn’t believe them and had hope. So I cried. and prayed. and cried and then let my body do what it needed to do. For me, seeing was believing and that’s what I needed to get through this. Please know that if you’ve gone through having a miscarriage and have had any kind of procedure done, I do not pass judgement. I support you and feel for you greatly – You made the decision that was right for you. Read the rest of this entry
I’m writing this because its what I do. I write and it helps me get through whatever it is I’m going through. I don’t want to talk on the phone and I don’t want to see anyone but I want to let my world know whats going on. I think writing this will help me get through it too.
I’m 8 weeks pregnant and had some bleeding on Wed. I went in for an ultrasound yesterday and there was a ‘6 week sak’ but there should have been an 8 week embryo. They questioned my dates up and down thinking maybe if I were off on my dates, things would be ok but because I am positive of my dates, the Dr. said this is not a normal pregnancy. My emotions took hold of me and I left the office in shock and scared of what was to come. Based on what my body is going through right now, what I am feeling and what is already starting to ‘come out’, I know I am in the process of miscarrying. I had some hope last night when I did some reading but yet in my heart, I knew something was not right. Read the rest of this entry